So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
