I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
