Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
