Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
