I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Randomize
