someone threw a dead crab at me
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
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last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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