My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
