She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
