Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
