theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
