youre lurking in front of me
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
