You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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