so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
