I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
