yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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