Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
