well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
