i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
