Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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