Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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