oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
