Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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