If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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