She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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