just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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