I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
