Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
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Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
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I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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