More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
