im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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