Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
