Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
