i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
