Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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