he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
