Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
