I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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