tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
