Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
