You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
