My room smells like vodka and shame
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
