I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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