I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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