Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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