Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You are the jesus of drinking
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
