woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
