So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
