Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
