This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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