I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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