I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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