At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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