I cannot find my penis.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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