My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
