Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
