i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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