his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
