I think i peed on brittanys purse
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
