Pappa wants mamma naked
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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