I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
