turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We left the knife in your bed.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So vagazzling was a success
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
