Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
