i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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