i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
