we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
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Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
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I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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