Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
my liver is dry heaving
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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