how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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